The Marquis’ Daughter Acts As A Pawn

morrow. Embroidery… I’m not good at it, but I’ll do my best.

Perhaps because of morning sickness, recently my appetite has been on the decline and I’ve been eating mostly fruit. But in terms of severity, Karen has it worse than me. If I, with my weak constitution, had morning sickness as bad as Karen’s, all jokes aside I might actually die. This child must be thinking of their mother.

Gerald invited a musical troupe to our home, saying it was good for prenatal education. Quiet music like the piano is alright, but there’s no way brass instruments make sense. Karen and I put a stop to it together.

Today, my older brother came to the mansion. Even though he should be up to his neck in work as a marshal… When I mentioned as much, he sulked about how there was nothing wrong with visiting his cute younger sister and her child. He was someone who already boasted grandchildren, and yet he was still such a childish person. I may say so, but I was honestly glad to be able to meet the older brother whom I’d always admired as a paternal figure. I am not long for this world. How many more times will I be able to see him?

Recently, this child has been moving frequently within me. Perhaps they want to be born quickly.
They seem restless. I hear that rather than simply moving around, Karen’s child seems to be positively kicking up a frenzy. It could be that just maybe, Karen’s child is a boy.

Gerald has been putting his ear to my stomach recently. His face is that of incredible bliss. Quite some time has passed since we became husband and wife, but the seeds of love have never sprouted between us. Gerald has Karen, while I’ve never had an inclination towards love. This had always seemed normal and expected to me. But whenever the three of us are together, I have a lot of fun. It could be what they call family love.

During today’s checkup, Howard was direct with me. It seems I will be unable to endure the process of childbirth. I know my own body better than anyone. Perhaps because of that, I barely felt any shock hearing his words. I selfishly forced Howard into swearing to keep this matter a secret from Gerald and Karen.

I was the first to become pregnant, yet Karen’s bump is larger than mine. I have no basis for my conjecture, but I believe Karen’s child is indeed a boy. In which case, I reckon this child is a girl. If possible, I hope they inherit not my strawberry blond, but Gerald’s honey blond. As for eye color… as long as it’s not my purple eyes, any color will do. I do not wish for this child to have to shoulder unnecessary burdens. Even though it may not be for me to say, as someone who is already making them shoulder so many things.

Today, His Majesty and Queen Consort Dahlia arrived on an incognito visit. It would only be proper for me to greet them, but as I have been in poor health, I have recently found myself unable to so much as leave my bed. His Majesty and Queen Consort Dahlia apologized for causing us inconvenience… despite the fact that Gerald and I had done so entirely of our own volition. I ended up making an impudent request of the two of them: to please allow this child just a little freedom of choice, even if their very birth is for the sake of the second prince… Is this what they call maternal instinct? It very nearly caused my loyalty to waver.

Recently, my health has been especially poor. Perhaps because I continued to remain bedridden, Karen, who became suspicious of my situation, found out about the fact that my body cannot endure childbirth. Moreover, she confessed that she had also known from the beginning that Gerald and I had conceived this child for the sake of the second prince—which, by extension, is for the sake of the country’s political stability. When I appealed to her that I wished to bring this child into the world even at the cost of my life, I was told, “If you love the child within you that much, I won’t stop you.” Karen’s words made me realize: I love this child. I wish for this child to be born into a healthy body, unlike me. What can I do for this child’s sake…?

Today, I wrote a cryptanalysis book. There is no guarantee that this child will possess the same talent as me, but perhaps a day will come where it will be of use. Although I will not be able to watch over their growth, I want to help them in choosing a good future.

Gerald found out about my health situation. He got angry at me, and we quarreled for the first time in a long while. In the past, we would often have lengthy discussions about this country’s future, wouldn’t we…? It once again hit home that, to me, Gerald was not a “husband”, but a “like-minded comrade”.

Gerald came to apologize for losing his temper at me the other day. Apparently, His Majesty and Duke Inglot had had some choice words with him. I had completely forgotten about it… or more accurately, I hadn’t minded in the slightest. He told me that from now on we could make memories of the two of us, but when I said that it’d be great if Karen were included, he visibly wilted.
This man is a little troublesome.

Today, my nephew Linus—the minor fact that he was older than me aside—visited the mansion. I handed him the cryptanalysis book. During that time, we spoke about my affairs. It was because the Olcott family was there for me that I could swear my loyalty to the country, to His Majesty. I told him that those had been really, really blessed days for me. And, to please take care of this child. Gerald, the good-for-nothing oaf that he is, will probably be undependable, for the most part. No matter what happens, my family that is House Olcott will protect this child. Linus, who has good intuition, seems to have already gathered that my body will not be able to endure childbirth. After that conversation, we engaged in a lively debate regarding what to name this child. Because surely they will be a girl, at the end of our brainstorming session, we arrived at the conclusion that “Julianna” was just the name. We derived the name from that of my mother, the princess of Samerta who had fallen deeply in love with and married my father—”Juliet”. It isn’t that I wish for this child to fall in love, more so that I hope this child will become someone who grasps their own future just like my mother did. In the event that this child is a boy… I’ll have big brother give him a name.

The estimated date of birth is approaching. Today, Karen, Gerald, and I dined together. I could not get out of bed, so we ate sandwiches in my room. A meal unbefitting of nobility.
However, it was unexpectedly fun.

The labor pains have started. Although it hurts a lot, it seems that the actual pain is far worse than this. The interval between contractions is gradually becoming shorter. The pain has receded for now, but it will surely return soon. I’m going to entrust this diary to Howard. I’m thinking of asking him to hand it to this child when they turn 10. When they decipher the diary, they will surely become disillusioned with me. Even so, I will entrust this diary to them. At the very end, let me convey my thoughts to this child ten years in the future.

To my dear child, whose future I am unable to witness,

The fact that you are reading this diary now must mean that you have learned of the reason you were born. No matter what excuses I list off, it is the irreplaceable truth that you were born for the sake of the second prince, the country’s politics, and out of Gerald’s and my patriotism and loyalty. We’re the worst parents, wouldn’t you say? So if, just perhaps, you think my death is your fault, please perish the thought. However, the time during which you were within me has been extremely precious to me. I have been looking forward to this day, the day I will be able to bring you forth into this world. I have caused you to bear the heavy shackle that is our bloodline. It will surely bring you suffering. But it is also a fact that this same bloodline will become a great weapon that no amount of simple effort can get you. Please use the blood that flows within you for the sake of your own future. I won’t tell you to become a patriotic spirit like us. Only to be happy. I pray that you will meet people to love and to be loved by, and be able to embrace a happy ending like me.

In truth, I really wanted to hold you right after you were born. I wanted to breastfeed you. I wanted to hear your first words be “mother”, to hear those words directed at me. I wanted to drink tea together with you. I wanted to accompany you to bed when you got lonely.
For your first time attending a social event, I wanted to be there fretting over clothing choices with you as we dressed you up. I wanted to have familial quarrels with you. And, I wanted to embrace your coming-of-age alongside you.

For me, that is a future I cannot hope for. Therefore, when you become a parent, please do so for your own child. This is my selfish request as your mother.

Lastly. Right now, in this very moment, I love you more than anyone in the world. Thank you for being born as our child.

From your mother,
Elizabeth Lewis

Author’s note:

The chapter was getting lengthy, so I cut it off even though it was an awkward part to end on.
Regardless of what the catalyst was, there’s no way she wouldn’t start to harbor love for the child she carried for months… so it goes.
And also, Gerald who cannot be counted on.
(laughs) Next time, we will enter the stage with the Lewis siblings who have now read the diary.

The older brother mentioned by Elizabeth
→The current Duke Olcott, the age difference between them is as large as a parent and their child
→His relationship with Julianna is that of uncle and niece (Julianna calls him Uncle Olcott)

Linus
→Duke Olcott’s eldest son
→Relationship with Elizabeth: aunt and nephew (but Linus is older)
→Relationship with Julianna: cousins

Theodore (has not made an appearance)
→Linus’ son and Duke Olcott’s grandson
→One year older than Julianna

It’s complicated—