Come out from under the rotors

In an age of helicopter parents, the world needs a book like Were You Raised by Wolves? Clues to the Mysteries of Adulthood, by Christie Mellor. The offspring need it so they can become independent, productive adults; the rest of us need it so that we won't suffer from their cluelessness.

The problem with this book is that--packed with useful information as it is--there are very few occasions on which it would be acceptable to give it as a gift. One is graduation from high school or college (conveniently, 'tis the season! Oh, you crafty publishers). Another might be a milestone birthday, like 18 or 21 or even 30, or the purchase of a first home.

Any other time, and in some cases anytime at all, depending on the person, and you're going to be delivering an insulting blow to your giftee and possibly his/her parents too. I know someone who could really benefit from this book, someone who was raised not by wolves but by a very caring, but overly solicitious mother. The chapter entitled "If Your Mom Still Chews Your Food for You" would be perfect for her. But unless I could remove all my fingerprints from my copy, and then wrap it in plain brown paper and stuff it under her door in the dead of night, I won't be giving it to her. (I choose to believe that my own boorishness wasn't what led the Parent Bloggers Network to send me my copy.)

Now, maybe I am overthinking this. The book is undeniably funny. The author has a strong voice, a breezy, slightly snarky one that grabs a reader by the collar and tells him to man up and learn to clean a toilet for heaven's sake. She offers lots of valuable advice, step-by-step instructions, helpful illustrations, and simple recipes, all in the same witty style. Again, it's a voice that won't appeal to everyone. Picture a friend who's sophisticated and accomplished and doesn't see any reason why others shouldn't be too. On the one hand, being in her presence is inspiring; she believes in you. On the other, those high expectations can feel condescending or even crippling.

I had a few quibbles with the organization and editing of the book. There's a section on lateness and why it's rude to keep friends waiting, but it's in the chapter on work and career instead of the one on etiquette. In the discussion of laundry, Mellor admits that she never irons and doesn't think any advice she can impart will feel useful. "Your best bet is to ask your mom, or a friend how to iron that shirt," she writes. This, along with a list of hangover remedies she found on Google, struck me as rather lazy in a book all about self-sufficiency. Also? A recipe for homemade after-shave made from herbs and vinegar? Uh, for real?

Still, just about anyone--whether raised by wolves or apes or ordinary suburbanites--will learn something from this book. It's simply a matter of being grown-up enough to listen.