Finding Strengths, Even In Weakness

Both my husband and I were privileged to experience both public and private education. We both entered private school during our high-school years, and for both of us it was a revelation.

I have nothing against public schools, let me say that right now. I believe wholeheartedly in the system, and that it provides opportunities for all students.

That isn't to say that all the opportunities are what they should be. The system, like any other, has weaknesses and strengths.

My fear is that we will wind up in a place that offers less-than-stellar opportunties for our daughter.

That is just one reason I wanted to review Your Child's Strength's for the Parent Bloggers Network.

Knowing The Poo's strengths and weaknesses before she enters a system designed to evaluate human beings based on a series of lead-filled bubbles seemed like a wise idea. Knowing who she is and how she thinks can be an advantage when it comes time to work with - or combat - teachers and administrators she will be exposed to during her educational career.

The book, written by Jennifer Fox, is a fascinating read. Often, I found myself nodding and identifying with her words.

Fox, who has worked as a teacher and administrator for 25 years, sets out to dispel the myth that kids are nothing more than a series of widgets. They are complex human beings, and school is often a place where they are "completely misunderstood."

"People often feel misunderstood and betrayed by their teachers and schools because their unique styles and strengths have no room to grow," Fox states.

I completely agree. Had I continued in public school, I could have ended up with that feeling. Fortunately, I was exposed to a series of teachers who saw that, although I was weak in math and science, I excelled in language arts.

Those teachers helped me to overcome my feelings of inadequacy because I couldn't manage algebra, and because of them I had the guts to enter a writing program in college.

Because, as Fox advocates, they were able to see my strengths as separate from my weaknesses. If teachers - and parents - are unable to do so, they can set the child up for a lifetime of feeling as though they are a failure and a disappointment:

"Losing matters. And in the game of academic achievement, society punishes losers for life. At least that is how most parents and teachers act ... The message that children receive is that they are a disappointment if they do not learn and learn better than anyone else."

While Fox does advocate viewing - and educating - the whole child, she does not advocate instilling kids with a false or inflated sense of self-esteem. No, Your Child's Strengths is not about simply puffing up your child's ego.

Instead, she wants parents and educators alike to take an approach that balances these strengths and weaknesses. She uses math as an example, one which hit close to home for me.

Fox admits that she is not great at math, but that she learned it and was able to go on to lead a successful life without using algebra in her career.

For me, math was an albatross, a barrier that kept me from being an academic superstar. My English - and even my science - grades would have qualified me for honors. Toss in those Cs and Ds in geometry? That equation made me a B-student when I should have been on the honor roll.

I don't want that for The Poo. I don't want her to grow up believing that her transcript defines her and predicates her success. I want her to be academically strong in all subjects, of course. But if she isn't, I want to identify those pitfalls early on so we can help her work through them.

And so we can meet those teachers who would prefer to write her off as lazy or incompetent with rational ideas and strategies to help her do her best - even if her best is a C.

Your Child's Strengths is geared to parents of older kids, but Fox does a nice job of laying out how the preschool set can benefit from this kind of careful analysis. It is easy to be blind when it comes to your kid - this I know from experience.

But Fox provides a series of simple exercises that parents of young kids can do to get their brains in the right place - as far away from their hearts as possible. A workbook section designed for older children also includes adaptations for young children.

Fox's book is a thoughtful and thought-provoking read. I recommend it to any parent, and I know I will be keeping my copy close at hand as The Poo grows and we need to make choices about her educational future.